1:30 AM - 4:40 AM Aug 2 - TIME TO PUSH!

Ok so from 1:30 to 4:40 (hours 33-36) I was pushing this little one out.   It wasn't easy.  It felt like he was stuck in the same spot for hours, and the nurses and Francis all were telling me "JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE" and holding up their hands showing me I had about an inch to two to go..  yea right.    One good thing about pushing,  you do it AT the contraction, so the horrible horrible pain from the contraction is traded for a new, different and still horrible kind of pain.  After about an hour his head was slightly showing a little bit (don't know how much - I have no frame of reference here, I didn't want to see with a mirror or feel his head when they offered, I kinda regret that now)  I was exhausted.  I was supposed to be taking a deep breath and doing 3 + pushes with every contraction,  but I could only do one, and then I couldn't breath.  They had turned down my epidural so I could feel the pushes, and somehow the catheter for the epidural had ripped out (I found out later).   I wasn't doing so hot.  I was crying.  I was watching the Dr. watch the clock, and found out later that they only let you push for 2 hours normally, then will c-section you, but the nurses convinced him otherwise.  The last two hours I felt horrible.  I could feel my face swelling from holding my breath and pushing.  I was sometimes just pushing regardless of there being no contraction just because the pain of him sitting where he was was awful. I was pushing all the time.  At some points I realized the nurses were gone and it was just me, Francis and Roxie in the room and me just trying to push over and over.  It was all really frustrating and it really felt like I wasn't making any progress.  The last hour of it was a blur. I remember suddenly the Dr coming in and cloaking himself in what looked like a rubber suit, and covering everything in rubber mats.  Seeing him was the encouragement I needed to keep going on, up until that point I really didn't think I could do anymore.  I know I kept shaking my head at Roxie and telling her "No, I can't " over and over.  I remember the nurse kept telling me to do things, change positions, drink juice, etc.  I know I kept telling them no I don't want to.  (my lips/throat was dry but the juice was making me queazy) At this point I couldn't see anymore because of the swelling in my eyes.  My legs were shaking and after  the first hour of pushing Roxie and Francis were having to move them around the bed because I couldn't do it myself anymore.  Every muscle in my body was shot.  I really didn't think I was going to get him out and I think I even asked them if they would just reach in there and grab him already.  This may have been between contractions where I kept saying stupid things - and sometimes cracking jokes....  I guess some things never change.

I was really surprised when suddenly he was all gooey and in my arms.   I could barely see him when they first handed him to me, I was just waiting to hear him cry.  If I could have cried I would have but there wasn't much left of me.   As they were fixing me up I was trying to see across the room as they were cleaning him up and checking him out.   Francis had already called the world and was videotaping him laying there.  I couldn't see him but I could hear him screaming.  I think it was the happiest moment of my life when they handed him to me again all wrapped up and it finally sunk in that I had done it and he was here.

In the end we discovered that while his head was down, it was facing the wrong way - up, towards my belly button aka "sunny side up" or "occiput posterior", and that the reason I was having such a hard time was I was going thru "back labor" where the back of his head was grinding against my pelvis and well, it was agony to get him out, and apparently that's typical when the baby is like this.

Aug 1 - 11:33 PM- 10 cm 100% effaced and READY TO GO!

OK so they broke my water and in came HEAVY CONTRACTIONS AND INSTANT PAIN!  Contractions about a minute apart sometimes less, and more pain than I've ever experienced in my life.  They're horrible. I can't breath, I just want to cry.  I'm covered in sweat, it's the worst thing I've ever had to endure.  I can't get beyond the pain, and the epidural isn't doing anything.  I FEEL EVERYTHING!   I don't know what I would have done without my doula.  She was such a huge help in getting me to breath, focus and just push thru to the end.

Apparently they never got my epidural up to full drip because I'm having such a bad reaction to it.  Part of it is mental, I was sent into a panic every time they give me more.  I keep having anxiety attacks and freaking out, which is causing me to pass out and vomit.  I think the epidural is in the wrong spot.  The epidural numbs my lungs and makes me feel like I'm underwater or something, I'm literally suffocating.   I can't tell if I'm breathing or not and so I start to hyperventilate, so they hadn't given me any more.   Anesthesiologist just came in and upped me a little bit so I 'm not in such bad pain.  I also suddenly have a new feeling in my rectum area.. Best I can say is it's a horrible grinding on my tailbone area like I'm sitting on a concrete floor rubbing my butt around.  Horrible terrible pressure that I can't even describe, and  I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PUSH LETS GOOOOOO!

Aug 1, 6:44 PM - Progress Report

Latest check.  I'm up to 5 cm woohoo FINALLY SOME progress, even if it is just one more cm.  Been on Pitocin for HOURS and while I am having tons of contractions and tons of pain, it's not dilating my cervix as fast as it should been and not very effective.  They're about to break my water and figure that will move things along.

3pm Aug 1st - 22 hours and counting

So they upped my epidural dosage before and of course I was puking some more. I don't care for this medicine, although I don't feel contractions so that's a plus.
They put a catheter in me because I'm not allowed to walk around even to pee and I didn't care for it so I made them take it out. It doesn't feel good either way, but at least now I'm not obsessing about it.
There's really been little progress with getting the kid out. I'm having lots and lots of contractions so say the monitors, but nothing is happening. This stubborn baby won't budge. I'm really hoping they don't have to give me a c-section. I'm terrified of the pain while I'm awake and how I can feel it. That was the worst part with this epidural, feeling the needle digging around under my skin, oh yea and when he found the nerve.

8:41 am on aug 1

So we've been here since 9pm yesterday. I shoulda stayed home for most of this but my Dr panicked me because I was already dilated. I'm uncomfortable and have been for quite some time. I was in alot of pain earlier so I finally gave in and got an epidural. Horrible experience. I don't do well with needles or anesthesia. I was screaming while they put the needle in, and then vomiting and passing out. Good times. They also established that after hours and hours of contractions, I'm not progressing at all and gave me petocin to bring on contractions. I'm hoping that it's do something otherwise they're gonna break my water. It looks like I'm having really steady/ strong contractions- or so I see on the screen. We'll see!

Is tonight the night?

I'm thinking tonight's the night. The doc gave me 3 things to look for to decide if I should go to the hospital.
1. Blood
2. Water breaking
3. Contractions less then 5m apart
And I'm going thru number 3!  Called the doc and meeting him at the hospital!

(incidentally, if you don't know, I've been walking around at 4 cm and 75% effaced for a month)